Okay… the title to this post can be, almost, a little misleading. However, I want you to follow my thoughts here.
Lately I have been trying to put pieces of 2009 together to answer a few questions that I have been dealing with. I never really thought that Mary and Martha experienced the same kind of moments in regard to the death of Lazarus, but it is true. (You may be pondering what the world I am talking about here, so let me explain.)
In 2009, a couple of my good friends moved either back home or to another country for an awesome reason. Soon after that, I lost the job I had had for two and a half years, and a couple of months later, I was no longer on leadership for a campus ministry, where I had been on leadership since April 2006. Through all of that, I wondered where God was going with all of it. (In fact, I still wonder about that at times.) For lack of a better phrase, my life changed. I have spent some time trying to answer that question for myself, and I came to the recent conclusion that I don’t know right now, but one day I will know, and I am looking forward to knowing what was going on.
I think sometimes, I tried to blame others for different things, but I have to say a majority of the blame has to fall on me. I can’t say that 100% is all me, (I can’t control friends moving… I am just saying), but in the events that led to me not having a job and not being on a leadership team for a campus ministry, falls on me. It gets complicated here, but I know that God knows, and that’s my comfort. While I ponder what’s going on, I am reminded of a couple of women from the book of John, and how they too wondered what was going on.
The two women I am speaking of here are, of course, Mary and Martha when faced with the declining health of their brother Lazarus. (For the full story read John 11.) When the exchange between the sisters and Jesus begins, we learn that Lazarus is sick and they want Him to do something about it. However, Jesus states, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it” (John 11:4, ESV).
Personally, that is not what I would want to hear if someone I loved was sick. I mean, it’s not comforting… at all. In verse 11, Jesus comments that He wants to return to Judea because, “[Their] friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him” (ESV). At this, the disciples were thinking that Lazarus was just merely sleeping, so Jesus tells them that, in fact, Lazarus had died. At this point, if I was Mary and Martha, I would be really mad at Jesus. For they told Him a few days prior that their brother was sick, but it appeared that Jesus did not really care, because Lazarus died. I can only imagine that they were filled with grief (which is true, a few verses later it is reported they were crying), and confusion. How can the Son of God walk around performing miracles and healings, then seem to do nothing in this instance? Where was Jesus?
Finally, Jesus appears in the company of Mary and Martha once more and we get one short, and oddly comforting verse about His emotional response to what had happened. “Jesus wept” (John 11:35, ESV). You may be asking, how can that two word verse be comforting, and here is my answer: Think about it, the God of all creation shows up in human history in Jesus. He has known about everything that has happened, was happening, and was yet to happen, and He showed He cared with tears. He was good friends with Lazarus and that may have induced the tears (I feel that that is a good argument for Jesus’ humanity), but it showed that God cares deeply about us all. He cries when we cry, He comforts when we need it, and when the unexplainable happens, He’s the One to lean on for answers.
If you have grown up in church (or have read the Gospel of John), you know that Jesus resurrects Lazarus from the dead and Lazarus helps spread the Gospel. Think about this, in the moments of grief for Mary and Martha, they were probably wondering what God was doing. Wondering why Jesus had not shown up to save their brother from the grave. Trying to figure out the reason. Which, when big “life-altering” moments happen in life, we are the same way. We stop and begin to wonder what just happened. In those moments we are faced with two choices, run from God or run to God. Jesus wept for Lazarus, some part of me feels comforted knowing that He most likely weeps for us and with us too.
While I cannot say I know the answers as to why 2009 was such a roller-coaster year, I start 2010 knowing that I can run to God. I feel comforted knowing that right now, I am loved beyond words and that I need to embrace that love like never before. (To be honest, a small part of me wanted to run from God in shame and fear, but I knew deep down that that decision would be awful for me.)
Since I am no longer working at the Christian Store, I look and see that everybody is really an image bearer of God and that no matter the differences in opinion or religion, I am still suppose to show them the love of God. I have had the chance to do that with a sporting goods store, and, starting in a week, I will have the chance to do that at a clothing store. While I may no longer be on leadership for a campus ministry, I have more time rebuilding a foundation with God, and using what I learn in the process in a Sunday school class for elementary students.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, ESV).